I keep thinking, if it’s supposed to work out it will… I passed up something great to have something shitty. The more I see what I passed up, the more regrets I have every damn minute. I’m not sure what to do about it.
Aside from that, I’ve just been so irritated lately. Every little thing that people do, I get so agitated. Especially if it’s not done the way I usually do it or when someone is too stubborn to listen to me. I need to work on that myself, but there’s a difference between being a bitch about already knowing something and calmly explaining there’s a miscommunication and that knowledge is already present. I guess I’ve been letting a ton of things get to me. I don’t know what’s wrong.
Lastly, I think I have such a fear of commitment. I look for all the flaws and wrong things about a guy when we’re interested in seriously makes me resent the person. And that’s an awful quality to have, but I can’t help it. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it until I find the right guy. I wish I knew what to do about it, but perhaps it’ll save me a lot of trouble in the end. I don’t want to get involved with something I know isn’t going to last me. It just seems like a waste of time. It seems like I’m just using the person for that moment, only to get rid of them when I find something better. That’s so awful, but it’s the truth. I can’t change that.
